For parents of children with BFRBs: An interview with my dad

I recently made a video on Instagram responding to the question: "As a parent, how can I be helpful and supportive?" You can watch it by clicking here! After I made it I thought to myself, I wonder if my dad would have good insights to share?

As his child I felt that he did a great job supporting me with my trichotillomania! So I called him up, as I do almost every day, and asked if I could interview him for this blog. He said yes! So from one parent to another, here is what my dad has to say:

Me: Let's start at the beginning. When did you first notice my BFRB?

Dad: When you were about 10 your mom noticed it first and brought it to my attention and then we all talked about it as a family. I remember that being the start of it for me.

Me: What was your initial reaction when you realized I was pulling out my hair?

Dad: I didn't know—I thought maybe it was just a nervous habit that you did. I didn't know how serious it was. It just seemed like maybe you did it one day—I didn't notice if there was any type of pattern to it at least at first.

Me: As it was getting worse and moving to different areas like my eyelashes and scalp, how did your feelings change?

Dad: Then it was a little more concerning. In the back of my mind I was a little nervous, I didn't know if it would get progressively worse. But after a little while I realized it really wasn't getting worse, as far as visually, like when looking at you, it was just an ongoing thing that you were doing. Something that you couldn't really control and just kept doing it little by little. It wasn't necessarily getting too out of hand but it was ongoing.

Me: Do you remember moments where my trichotillomania was negatively impacting my daily life? School?

Dad: Yes, absolutely. Just in terms of you getting ready to go anywhere, you took much longer than you previously did—in the mirror and in the bathroom. So it was definitely slowing everything down. For school, I think it did negatively impact you—your focus on schoolwork was minimal. I don't think you put a lot of time into it because your trichotillomania overshadowed your daily routine and what you wanted to do—instead of focusing on assignments, you were obviously busy with working on ways to cover it up and hide it. I think it took a lot of your time up that way.

Me: Were there times where you wish you had more resources to lean on? Where you felt helpless as a parent?

Dad: Of course. The doctors seemed to not know anything about it. And the few that did know what it was called, didn't know how to treat it or anything at all. We were all learning together. It was very frustrating.

Me: Parents will often reach out to me and express remorse over something they've said to their child. Things like, "get your hands out of your hair!" Do you have any moments like that where you feel that you might've hurt my feelings?

Dad: I don't have any memories that come to mind. Of course there were times I think where I wish I would've said, "Hey, this is something you'll deal with and it's not going to be the end of the world. Everyone has something." I know from not piling on, not getting too excited or disappointed with your progress, and being more low-key was probably good but I would've rather been able to take you aside and say, "Hey, look. Everything will be fine. You're still who you are." All that encouragement and positive stuff that I probably didn't do enough of.

Me: Do you remember a strategy or something that you did that might've positively impacted my trichotillomania?

Dad: I don't know if this made you pull less but my main strategy was to not get super excited or act super disappointed. I knew that wouldn't be beneficial to you.

Me: How has my journey with trichotillomania impacted you emotionally as a parent?

Dad: Well, it just made me a little nervous, that's all. It just took up so much of your time that you weren't able to explore other things like your interest in visiting colleges or what you wanted to major in. We took you around to visit different colleges and gave you as many ideas as we could think of. You were consumed by it—finding a solution or a way to counteract it. It was a lot.

Me: How has your understanding of BFRBs and trichotillomania changed overtime?

Dad: Oh, I mean I knew nothing about it before. I knew a little bit about depression and schizophrenia, and mental health issues because of my brother but in terms of trichotillomania I didn't know anything about it at all. So now I'm a thousand percent more knowledgeable now, of course.

Me: What advice would you give a parent who is just starting to navigate this?

Dad: I would say to tell them that you love them and let them know that you're there for them, and that you're in it with them on this journey. That you're not going to be disappointed. Everybody has something going on and that it doesn't define you as a person. Encourage and reaffirm the fact that this is just one facet of many other things in a person's life and that we'll deal with it together and that it's okay.

Me: Thanks dad! Love you!

Dad: Love you too!

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This isn't the first time I interviewed my dad about my trichotillomania. I did in my memoir, The Trichster Diaries. I also interviewed my brother and my husband! Get a signed copy below!

The Trichster Diaries (Signed Paperback)

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