In this blog post I will be responding to a question from my guided journal, My Trichster Diaries. Please feel free to share your answer in the comments below.
One of the earliest memories I have, when it comes to taking medication, is my mom saying, "That medication made you very angry. We had to stop that right away." I don't even know what medication she was referring to. What I do know is that it was very early on in my trichotillomania journey because I was in my childhood home when she said that—I was at the top of the stairs about to walk into my bedroom through the beaded curtain that I had to have on my door frame. Anyone else have a beaded curtain as their door in the early 2000s? It was a real pain in the ass, I must say.
At that time in my life I had recently learned the name for trichotillomania and like everyone else I was desperate to find a cure. It makes sense that I'd try medication then but because of that reaction (I must've been PISSED) my mom didn't think we should try another one until I relapsed almost a decade later.
I was in high school when my first relapse occurred and it was a doozy. Excessive and uncontrollable pulling once again. Eyebrows were barely there. Eyelashes were completely gone. Bald spot behind my left ear as big as my palm. Yikes!
I was back in therapy, enrolled in a new trichotillomania study, and ready to sit down with a psychiatrist to try medication again. I was down bad and desperate for a cure.
My memories of the psychiatrist are good ones. I remember him being kind but not too kind. There was an air of urgency in his office like he had to go right after our appointment and wanted to wrap it up as soon as possible. But he smiled often and seemed unfazed by my trichotillomania—I was getting used to people gasping when I shared about my experience so when he didn't I was pleasantly surprised.
I was placed on multiple medications over the course of a year that made little to no difference in my pulling. Instead, I noticed, with a touch of sadness, that I could now swallow 3-5 different pills at once without choking. One medication was for my mood, one was to help me focus, one was meant to help me fall asleep at night because the other one kept me up, the list went on and so did my pulling.
I weaned off of the medication around the time I graduated high school. What was the point of taking them when they didn't do anything?
From then on I have lived with trichotillomania without taking medication of any kind. I have a feeling I'll never take medication again.
I attended the TLC for BFRBs Conference in Washington D.C. this past October where I sat in on a presentation about medications and their impact in treating individuals with BFRBs. If you'd like to read my thoughts on the presentation, please click the picture below!
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